No one has to teach us how to be angry. We're born with it. Just watch intants crying for their milk. They soon discover that if they cry louder and longer, parents come more quickly with the milk! Anger is part of our limbic system which houses our emotions.
Sometimes it feels good to be angry, because it's a release of energy. Sometimes anger is justified when we react against violence, abuse, unfairness.
At other times, holding onto anger is so counter-productive that it produces ugly step-children like severe headaches, gastro-intestinal problems, tight muscles, passive-aggressive behavior and more.
We've seen our fair share of anger in divorce mediation cases and in our counseling practice. Helping people get to the other side (and sometimes even to forgiveness) is the challenge.
Buddha once said, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but you are the one getting burned."
To learn more about anger management in counseling, visit www.ncsmediation.com.
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Forgiveness and Second Chances
I wish I knew Bernie Kosar personally, especially after reading his story by sports writer Terry Pluto (The Plain Dealer, August 14, 2010), “Former quarterback begins second half”. Bernie’s first half of life was full of ups and down…the ups very high (beloved Cleveland Brown’s quarterback from 1985 – 1993, beautiful family, side businesses) and the downs very low (dropped from the team by Coach Bill Belichick mid-season, nasty divorce, bankruptcy).
What I most admire is that Kosar doesn’t hold grudges even against people who changed his life so drastically when he thought he lost everything. This example of forgiveness is one from which we can all learn. Not only has Kosar had a second chance to create a new life, but he has given painful relationships the same respect and courtesy by forgiving.
In our mediation practice, there are times when the question of forgiveness arises…a spouse who apologizes for not speaking to his ex for two years since the divorce and affecting the kids’ relationship; a physician who apologizes for miscommunication with a patient; an older parent who apologizes to his adult children for not being there enough as they were being raised. When the apology is followed by forgiveness of those offended, the seeds of healing are planted.
Of course not every apology is well received and forgiveness is denied the “offender.” But for those who, like Kosar, choose not to hold grudges and give the gift of forgiveness, the second chance is all the sweeter.
What I most admire is that Kosar doesn’t hold grudges even against people who changed his life so drastically when he thought he lost everything. This example of forgiveness is one from which we can all learn. Not only has Kosar had a second chance to create a new life, but he has given painful relationships the same respect and courtesy by forgiving.
In our mediation practice, there are times when the question of forgiveness arises…a spouse who apologizes for not speaking to his ex for two years since the divorce and affecting the kids’ relationship; a physician who apologizes for miscommunication with a patient; an older parent who apologizes to his adult children for not being there enough as they were being raised. When the apology is followed by forgiveness of those offended, the seeds of healing are planted.
Of course not every apology is well received and forgiveness is denied the “offender.” But for those who, like Kosar, choose not to hold grudges and give the gift of forgiveness, the second chance is all the sweeter.
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