McParents vs. McDonalds

Parents who apPARENTly can't say no are challenging McDonalds with a lawsuit over Happy Meals.

Clearly a case of children who rule the roost. Try a "value meal" of preparing a dinner of baked chicken, salad and broccoli for the kids. After dinner, they can play with the dozens (hundreds?) of toys they already have at home.

When did the child become the parent?

He had a vendetta

Today's news carries the story of Clay Duke, the disgruntled ex-convict who tried to shoot three school board members at a meeting in Panama City. His last Facebook entry seems based on the movie Vendetta and carries his manifesto of hate.

What complicates this matter is that Duke was diagnosed with adult onset Bipolar Disorder. No one knows at this writing if he was taking his medication or not. My suspicion is "not."

What inspires me is the bravery of the Board President who tried to sacrifice himself by asking Duke to release the others, and the female board member who returned after her release from the hostage-taking to attempt to hit the gun from Duke's hand with her purse. In a culture which is so often painted with the broad brushes of selfishness, narcissism and egoism, it is refreshing (albeit sad) to see this level of courage and other-centeredness by the two board members.

Blocking the Box

I'd never heard that term, blocking the box, until I read it in today's Cleveland Plain Dealer. It refers to cars that block an intersection, the light turns red, and gridlock occurs. Of course I've seen it happen, but yesterday's snowstorm in downtown Cleveland packed a mighty punch, and drivers were stuck in gridlock for 3 and 4 hours on their commute home.

In part this could be blamed on little if any police or public safety planning. The underlying issue in my opinion has to do with selfishness. Needing to get ahead no matter who is inconvenienced. Needing to disregard rules as we inch along in life toward our own goal--whether it be getting home in a snow storm, cheating financially, looking the other way when someone is being bullied.

We can all learn a lesson from yesterday's storm and the ensuing anger caused by some selfish drivers. Give a little. Back off. Defer to another. Be patient. Think of someone else first.

The art of effective listening

"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist" as Ghandhi says. And yet so many conversations are "clenched." People put their dukes up and come out swinging, each believing he/she has the right punch to justify the argument.

Steven Shapiro, author of Effective Listening, writes about four steps that make for a good listener.

First ATTEND to the speaker. Use good eye contact, stop reading the paper or whatever you're doing and really hear what the other says.

Second REFLECT FEELING. For example, if the speaker is angry, say something like, "I can hear how upsetting this is to you."

Third, CLARIFY what was said by 1) paraphrasing the speaker's message or by 2) asking for clarity by saying, "Have I left anything out?" or "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

Finally, RESPOND by making your point based on all you just heard.

Unfortunately, most people use only half the steps. We attend (listen) and respond (make my own argument with no concern for another's feelings). Rather than dissipating the argument, we often fuel it with even more anger to make ourselves heard.

I find that the most important step is #2...letting the other person know that we recognize their anger, fear, passion, concern and aren't just about making sure my argument (response) is a better one!

Fears of Mediation in the Workplace

Yesterday, I read an interesting post on mediate.com by Clive Lewis, MBA, a mediator and past HR director in the UK. He discussed four reasons why CEOs and workforce decision-makers are afraid to try mediation.

1. It's easier to ignore the conflict than address it. 2. If I admit to conflict, I admit to failure as a manger/director, etc. 3. It's easier for corporate to throw money at someone to make the problem go away. 4. Poor understanding of how conflict negatively impacts profit margins.

Whether in the UK or in the USA, these irrational fears exist. Until coporate realizes the time and cost savings of mediation, and the millions of dollars wasted in sick pay, poor performance, unhappy workers, slower production and more, we will continue to advance the theory, "If I ignore it, it will go away."

Inside the bullied brain - The Boston Globe

Below is an article by The Boston Globe on the long-range affects of hard core bullying. I see clients in my counseling practice whose confidence levels, decision-making, trust and relationships are impacted by past bullying behavior. A good read...

Inside the bullied brain - The Boston Globe

Finally a TV show about a mediator

I've thought of this for years, but didn't think it would happen. Soon a TV show called "Fairly Legal" starring a lead who is a mediator will be shown. I hope it's a fair representation of the field. Stay tuned!