Is it about gun control? vitriolic rhetoric? mental illness? congressional civility? Since the shooting of Representative Gabrielle Giffords, we've seen and heard hundreds of reports, editorials, commentators and water cooler discussions on the topic of "what caused this."
While I believe that all these are significant topics, nothing is going to change the fact that people can get guns on the street, that mental illness is here to stay despite our best efforts to help the sufferers, and that no matter how much politicians and others tone down their conversations, we have not gotten to the heart of the problem.
America accepts violence as a way of life. Not the only way, but a way. We live in a culture in which bullying, road rage, domestic violence, drugs, shootings and what one commentator called "ideological bloodsport" in smear campaigns make daily headlines. We tend to turn the other way until it happens to us. And then for a time we play nice, and return to our old ways.
Thomas Jefferson said in his March 4, 1801 Inaugural Address, "Every difference of opionion is not a difference of priciple." This is what mediators and other ADR practioners help clients learn. That we can find common ground; that we can resolve differences by focusing on the best possible outcome for all involved; that conflict resolution does not have to involve guns, slaps, jabs, slurs or other forms of violence.
America needs, as the Chicago Tribune editorial writes, to learn "quality conflict resolution with the ammo."
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
John Kasich's first MLK Day
It's hard to imagine how newly elected Governor John Kasich of Ohio is spending his first Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in office with his 20 white cabinet members. This may sound harsh, but people of every race and color who voted for him must be wondering how not one person of color in Ohio qualified to be on his team. I'm wondering what Dr. King must think as well from his other-worldly vantage point as we celebrate diversity and justice this day.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Peace on earth: "Let it begin with me"
The old hymn, "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me" seems a perfect one to consider as the events in Tucson, Arizona last week unfold in greater detail over the attempted killing of Gabrielle Giffords and others.
Politicians and pundits talk of "toning down the rhetoric" and "civility" and "coming together as a nation." Haven't we heard all this following every tragedy in the last hundred years?
And yet every election, we see most politicians using smear tactics in their ads that seem to get only bolder. We hear of children being bullied (some suiciding) in schools that turn a deaf ear to pleas for help from the targets. We witness rudeness by others (sometimes by ourselves) with little regard for the impact that words and actions may have.
Civility is the responsibility of each one of us. We aim for this in every mediation...that disputants may speak their minds respectfully even when emotions run high.
Why is being civil so hard? Because we put ourselves first. People used to wave a hand to gesture a thank you when a driver would let them out of a gas station into traffic. I don't see that so often any more. Shoppers in grocery lines are in such a rush that they don't always notice the person behind them with only a few items compared to their cartful. We used to invite them to step in front of us. Malls are often scenes of drivers racing to get the closest spot, sometimes even leading to violence.
These and hundreds of other examples of daily incivility remind me that peace on earth doesn't just happen. It's not just for the lawmakers. It begins with me.
Politicians and pundits talk of "toning down the rhetoric" and "civility" and "coming together as a nation." Haven't we heard all this following every tragedy in the last hundred years?
And yet every election, we see most politicians using smear tactics in their ads that seem to get only bolder. We hear of children being bullied (some suiciding) in schools that turn a deaf ear to pleas for help from the targets. We witness rudeness by others (sometimes by ourselves) with little regard for the impact that words and actions may have.
Civility is the responsibility of each one of us. We aim for this in every mediation...that disputants may speak their minds respectfully even when emotions run high.
Why is being civil so hard? Because we put ourselves first. People used to wave a hand to gesture a thank you when a driver would let them out of a gas station into traffic. I don't see that so often any more. Shoppers in grocery lines are in such a rush that they don't always notice the person behind them with only a few items compared to their cartful. We used to invite them to step in front of us. Malls are often scenes of drivers racing to get the closest spot, sometimes even leading to violence.
These and hundreds of other examples of daily incivility remind me that peace on earth doesn't just happen. It's not just for the lawmakers. It begins with me.
Monday, January 10, 2011
When mediation won't help
Divorce mediators try to help couples as they end their marriages more peacefully. Elder mediators try to help families who have critical decisions to make with their older loved ones. But no mediator could have helped the 22-year old Jared Lee Loughner who horrified most Americans and others when he launched his brutal attack on Gabrielle Giffords, her staff and other bystanders in Tucson last Friday.
"Extreme mental illness" is one condition mediators cannot ethically take on. Loughner's rage over American politics as reported in his blog and elsewhere and his paranoia are beyond the scope of a mediator's skills. How sad that no one in this young man's life could have intervened before it got to his breaking point and forever changed the lives of Representative Giffords, the many he wounded and those he killed.
As this story unfolds, we are learning of many heroes who stepped in to assist the wounded. These heroes inspire us to get involved, to do the right thing, to bring some semblance of peace at the deepest human level no matter what the potential cost to self.
As mediators in our practice, we know we cannot help everyone. But we are more determined to continue working toward peaceful resolutions in our conflict-laden world. And we continue to pray for healing, not only for the wounded in Tucson, but for the families of those who were killed.
"Extreme mental illness" is one condition mediators cannot ethically take on. Loughner's rage over American politics as reported in his blog and elsewhere and his paranoia are beyond the scope of a mediator's skills. How sad that no one in this young man's life could have intervened before it got to his breaking point and forever changed the lives of Representative Giffords, the many he wounded and those he killed.
As this story unfolds, we are learning of many heroes who stepped in to assist the wounded. These heroes inspire us to get involved, to do the right thing, to bring some semblance of peace at the deepest human level no matter what the potential cost to self.
As mediators in our practice, we know we cannot help everyone. But we are more determined to continue working toward peaceful resolutions in our conflict-laden world. And we continue to pray for healing, not only for the wounded in Tucson, but for the families of those who were killed.
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year, New You
Have to admit, I've never been big on New Year's resolutions. I prefer to think of it as a Fresh Start and go from there. One guy on the web said his resolution is "to remain awesome!" Good luck.
One thing I've been praying over is something I heard on Barbara Walter's recent special as she interviewed Oprah. The latter said, "Every day I pray to God, Use me until you use me up." I wrote the prayer on a sticky note, one of many inspirational quotes that is now attached to my computer frame. (I need a lot of reminders apparently.)
I'm big into being inspired by others. The Plain Dealer is running a series about ordinary people who make a difference in the lives of others. Today featured Akron postal carrier Keith Alan McVey who has saved lives three times (accident, fire, drowning) and Imam Abbas Ahmad and his wife who fostered almost 40 abused children.
These people and others don't need a date on a calendar to make a resolution. They just go about being good people. They live out the "use me until you use me up" mantra. May we all take a lesson from them as 2011 begins to unfold. Happy New Year. Happy New You!
One thing I've been praying over is something I heard on Barbara Walter's recent special as she interviewed Oprah. The latter said, "Every day I pray to God, Use me until you use me up." I wrote the prayer on a sticky note, one of many inspirational quotes that is now attached to my computer frame. (I need a lot of reminders apparently.)
I'm big into being inspired by others. The Plain Dealer is running a series about ordinary people who make a difference in the lives of others. Today featured Akron postal carrier Keith Alan McVey who has saved lives three times (accident, fire, drowning) and Imam Abbas Ahmad and his wife who fostered almost 40 abused children.
These people and others don't need a date on a calendar to make a resolution. They just go about being good people. They live out the "use me until you use me up" mantra. May we all take a lesson from them as 2011 begins to unfold. Happy New Year. Happy New You!
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