As many of you know, former Cuyahoga County Commissioner Jimmy Dimora is standing trial for a host of crimes. He is quoted as saying, "I only did what everyone else is doing." That's the defense that most fourth graders use when trying to wiggle out of a consequence.
Whether found innocent or guilty, Dimora and his cronies need to re-learn what their parents tried to teach them as children. Be your own person. Tell the truth. Think for yourself. Don't cheaat others. Play fair. Develop a conscience.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What shall I wish you?
To those who love the art of a deal, who will be first in line on Black Friday, who have to have the biggest, baddest electronic gadget, who think nothing of asking employees to be at their stations Thanksgiving evening, to you I wish Happy Shopping.
To those who value family time, easing into the holiday rush and not caving into the media frenzy surrounding the greed that drives this marketing machine, I wish Happy Thanksgiving.
To those who value family time, easing into the holiday rush and not caving into the media frenzy surrounding the greed that drives this marketing machine, I wish Happy Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Make a Difference Today
This morning I read an interesting post by John DiJulius III:
What if Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Howard Schultz, Walt Disney, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Oprah Winfrey, The Beatles, Nelson Mandela, or Muhammad Ali choose to be ordinary? What would the world be like today?
Mother Teresa once said, "We are not here to do great things, only small things with great love." However we look at it, we have the power to make an ordinary day extraordinary in our own small corner of the world. Think about it.
What if Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Howard Schultz, Walt Disney, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Oprah Winfrey, The Beatles, Nelson Mandela, or Muhammad Ali choose to be ordinary? What would the world be like today?
Mother Teresa once said, "We are not here to do great things, only small things with great love." However we look at it, we have the power to make an ordinary day extraordinary in our own small corner of the world. Think about it.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Good vs. Evil: Age-old Story Continues
Yesterday, in an ironic juxtaposition of headlines, Pope John Paul was beatified as Osama Bin Lade
As old as recorded history, themes of good vs. evil weave through our literature, politics, business, religions and relationships.
Every newborn enters this world pure and innocent. At what point does one begin making choices for good or for bad? What turns a person from decisions based on compassion, social justice, fairness and love to a life of greed, revenge, entitlement and hatred?
To that question is no easy answer, and the good vs. evil saga will continue. Across the globe, I believe there are more humanitarians than terrorists. The former don't often make the headlines.
As old as recorded history, themes of good vs. evil weave through our literature, politics, business, religions and relationships.
Every newborn enters this world pure and innocent. At what point does one begin making choices for good or for bad? What turns a person from decisions based on compassion, social justice, fairness and love to a life of greed, revenge, entitlement and hatred?
To that question is no easy answer, and the good vs. evil saga will continue. Across the globe, I believe there are more humanitarians than terrorists. The former don't often make the headlines.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Criminals are better behaved..."
Last month, my friend Charlie Feliciano, Jr. and I were discussing his criminal law practice and our mediation practices' updates. At first I was surprised by his comment that "criminals are better behaved than many court mediations I've handled."
Giving it some thought, I see where he's coming from. The felons and other law-breakers in Charlie's practice know that he is often their one chance at court leniency and a fair trial. They are prepped as to what to wear, what to say or not say, their overall demeanor and courtesy before the judge.
By contrast, many divorcing couples often filled with contempt for their partners, lose all sense of propriety and civility in court before the magistrate or judge. These prolonged diatribes often lead court officials to refer cases to mediation where the bad behavior continues.
We see a huge difference with our private, non-court divorce mediation clients. Some couples are a joy to work with, because they get down to business respectfully with each other and the mediator, and even when emotions run high, they can be reigned back in.
My husband John often says, "Peacemaking is not for wimps." New mediators entering the field must know that they will see their share of the good, the bad and the ugly. Even though criminals may be better mannered in court, we still prefer to help divorcing couples find another way to communicate through mediation--both an art and a science.
Giving it some thought, I see where he's coming from. The felons and other law-breakers in Charlie's practice know that he is often their one chance at court leniency and a fair trial. They are prepped as to what to wear, what to say or not say, their overall demeanor and courtesy before the judge.
By contrast, many divorcing couples often filled with contempt for their partners, lose all sense of propriety and civility in court before the magistrate or judge. These prolonged diatribes often lead court officials to refer cases to mediation where the bad behavior continues.
We see a huge difference with our private, non-court divorce mediation clients. Some couples are a joy to work with, because they get down to business respectfully with each other and the mediator, and even when emotions run high, they can be reigned back in.
My husband John often says, "Peacemaking is not for wimps." New mediators entering the field must know that they will see their share of the good, the bad and the ugly. Even though criminals may be better mannered in court, we still prefer to help divorcing couples find another way to communicate through mediation--both an art and a science.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sibling and Divorce Rivalry
A few days ago while visiting family, our 8- and 11-year old great nieces were doing homework and soon began fighting over a sparkly pencil. The older niece declared that her plain pencil was boring and demanded that her sister give her the pretty one. A heated debate, punch in the back and dramatic tears later, the problem was solved when I found a second sparkly pencil. Now they each had their own. I felt pretty good about salvaging the crisis only to hear the girls gearing up for the next round over who wants the pink sparkly pencil vs. the red one.
About a half hour later, our 2- and 4-year old great nephews arrived home from day care. Their tantrums began over who got the McQueen vs. the Thomas the Train sippy cups for their snack time.
And so it continues. These frequent childhood dilemmas become teaching moments about sharing, respect for others during conflict and problem-solving.
You'd think by adulthood, people would have learned these life lessons. Sadly, we often see this type of sibling rivalry morph into divorce rivalry during mediations. Now emotional arguments center on decisions like who gets the dog, the hutch, the vacation home and more.
The conflict isn't about "the stuff." More often it's about getting one's way, hurting the other spouse, a memory connected to the item. It takes a skillful, insightful divorce mediator to peel back the emotional onion and get to the core of the problem so that the childhood concepts of sharing, respect and problem solving can be addressed.
About a half hour later, our 2- and 4-year old great nephews arrived home from day care. Their tantrums began over who got the McQueen vs. the Thomas the Train sippy cups for their snack time.
And so it continues. These frequent childhood dilemmas become teaching moments about sharing, respect for others during conflict and problem-solving.
You'd think by adulthood, people would have learned these life lessons. Sadly, we often see this type of sibling rivalry morph into divorce rivalry during mediations. Now emotional arguments center on decisions like who gets the dog, the hutch, the vacation home and more.
The conflict isn't about "the stuff." More often it's about getting one's way, hurting the other spouse, a memory connected to the item. It takes a skillful, insightful divorce mediator to peel back the emotional onion and get to the core of the problem so that the childhood concepts of sharing, respect and problem solving can be addressed.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Other Tsunami: Children of Divorce
Our hearts and prayers go out to the people of Japan over the recent earthquake, tsunami and nuclear disasters. It's unimaginable to think of so much pain and trauma.
The other tsunami I'm addressing here is the one that floods the hearts, minds and bodies of children who experience their parents' divorce. Though oceans of water are not involved, children are awash in their own devastation, fear of the unknown, sense of helplessness, anxiety over the absent parent, trying to figure out what life will be like in the future.
Writer Kim Leon (University of Missouri, 2004) wrote "What I need from my mom and dad: A child's list of wants."
* I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don't stay involved, I feel like I'm not important and that you don't really love me.
* Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
* I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
* Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don't have to send messages back and forth.
*When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don't say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
* Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.
In our mediation practice, we deal weekly with divorcing couples. And now in our own family, a couple has recently divorced after a year-long battle of wills in court. We see the "tsunami effects" in the children--their acting out behavior, tears, moodiness, physicall illnesses of late, tantrums. It takes a lot of patience and love to be their lifeboat, so to speak. If you know a child of divorce, don't be afraid to jump on board to help in the rescue.
The other tsunami I'm addressing here is the one that floods the hearts, minds and bodies of children who experience their parents' divorce. Though oceans of water are not involved, children are awash in their own devastation, fear of the unknown, sense of helplessness, anxiety over the absent parent, trying to figure out what life will be like in the future.
Writer Kim Leon (University of Missouri, 2004) wrote "What I need from my mom and dad: A child's list of wants."
* I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don't stay involved, I feel like I'm not important and that you don't really love me.
* Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
* I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
* Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don't have to send messages back and forth.
*When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don't say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
* Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.
In our mediation practice, we deal weekly with divorcing couples. And now in our own family, a couple has recently divorced after a year-long battle of wills in court. We see the "tsunami effects" in the children--their acting out behavior, tears, moodiness, physicall illnesses of late, tantrums. It takes a lot of patience and love to be their lifeboat, so to speak. If you know a child of divorce, don't be afraid to jump on board to help in the rescue.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Cost of litigated divorce vs. divorce mediation in Cuyahoga County
Of course costs will vary in the United States depending on the area of the country. West coast prices are generally much higher than east coast. A mediator colleague in California, for example, told me that fees begin at $400/hour there. In the east, the average range is $100 - $250 per hour.
Recently, a Cleveland attorney wrote that the range of a litigated divorce is between $20,000 - $70,000 in Cuyahoga County. However, a mediated dissolution generally costs less than $2,000.
What we find raises the cost is not the complexity of a person's portfolio, but the amount of anger and desire for revenge in some couples. Sometimes this involves money settlements; other times, sadly, it involves children.
We offer a free monthly seminar called "Without Becoming Enemies" for those who wish to inquire about divorce mediation. Visit www.ncsmediation.com for dates and times.
Recently, a Cleveland attorney wrote that the range of a litigated divorce is between $20,000 - $70,000 in Cuyahoga County. However, a mediated dissolution generally costs less than $2,000.
What we find raises the cost is not the complexity of a person's portfolio, but the amount of anger and desire for revenge in some couples. Sometimes this involves money settlements; other times, sadly, it involves children.
We offer a free monthly seminar called "Without Becoming Enemies" for those who wish to inquire about divorce mediation. Visit www.ncsmediation.com for dates and times.
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