Are you shy?

This morning I'm thinking about my great niece Brittany who is 10. She's not at all shy at home, but put her among strangers or ask her if she wants to become an altar server, she reverts to a wall flower. So she has both tendencies right now, and we'll see in the future what her dominant natural preference will be: introvert or extrovert.

While it makes sense that introverted people may be shy, believe it or not, people we might consider extroverted can be shy as well in certain situations.

Some of history’s finest thinkers, artists, musicians and creative developers suffered from social phobia. It is said that Thomas Jefferson gave almost no public speeches because of this. Some of the world’s richest and most successful people are challenged by social phobia, including Microsoft founder Paul Allen and author and Prairie Home Companion radio show host Garrison Keillor, Queen Elizabeth, Johnny Carson and others who would surprise you.

The clinical term for shyness is social phobia, which can manifest itself in a lack of confidence, discomfort in social settings, the inability to think quickly on your feet or more.

While charming in young children, shyness in adults can prove to be a barrier in social and business settings and can lead to missed opportunities for pleasant experiences and career advancement. In addition, a shy person may also be reluctant to be assertive, communicating his or her needs in a way that others treat them with respect.

The good news is that that help is available. With more than 20 years of experience as Professional Clinical Counselor, I've helped many clients learn successful ways to combat their shyness and enrich their personal and professional relationship. You don’t really get over shyness, but there are so many helps for changing shy behaviors and becoming more confident.

As a shy introvert myself, and based on my own experiences struggling with this challenge and the help I've given my clients, I recently published “88 Tips for Shy Introverts: Becoming Personally and Professionally Assertive.” This practical booklet can be used as a guide and checklist to make communication and behavioral changes quickly.


Here are a few tips from the booklet:

#19. Respond to disrespectful remarks by respectfully saying, "I'd never allow anyone to talk to you like that." Then walk away or hang up the phone.

#5. Be decisive. When someone asks your opinion, e.g., where you want to eat lunch or what movies to see, etc., give an answer. Avoid "I don't care" or "whatever" responses.

#10. Compliment a stranger. Become comfortable giving a compliment to someone in the cafeteria, on a bus, in the library. Say, "I love your shoes," or "What a great golf shirt." Putting others at ease is a first step in gaining confidence and setting a comfortable tone for a conversation.

TODAY'S ACTION:

Give a sincere compliment to a stranger at church, in the mall, at a gas station...wherever you are. Notice his/her reaction and how you feel as a result.